the Father

so if you ask me who i am the closest to in the trinity, the answer is the Holy Spirit. actually, other people can answer that question for me. and of course i love Jesus. so much. i think of Him as being so romantic and loving and healing and sweet and comforting. and then there is God, the Father. and He is great. i have never doubted Him. i always knew He loved me, but He seemed more distant. more involved in the day to day running the world, answering prayers part of being God than my day to day intimacy.

oh intimacy. what a scary word. in-to-me-see. fun play on words, right? but so scary. for me at least. what does it even mean to be fully seen and fully known? and how scary is it to think that someone would see all of me and still want to be around me?

answer: terrifying.

i think of Jesus as being more intimate. and maybe i am more comfortable with that. the Eucharist is a pretty easy explanation of intimacy-something i can see, touch and consume. Jesus was also human, so i can relate to Him on that level, too. the Holy Spirit isn’t so much of a stretch with intimacy, because i think of Him as a spirit-no end and no beginning, fluid. plus, He is with me ALL the time and we are constantly talking, so I think of Him as being pretty close. but then there is God, again. and intimacy with Him seems far off, scary and maybe even dangerous. like if God really saw me and knew me, maybe He wouldn’t let me have Jesus & the Holy Spirit anymore. maybe He would pull the troops. plus, does God even want to know me? He seems pretty busy creating life & curing diseases.

& ya know, i don’t think God loved that i thought like that. the past few weeks, He has been pretty clear in getting my attention and turning the spotlight back on Him. it’s been funny, I feel like Jesus has been bowing out a lot, like “this one is between you guys” i have been learning so much about the Father.

  • that being one of them, that He is a FATHER. and He loves His children and wants to know them.
  • His heart is to provide for them and give them good things.
  • His nature is compassion & kindness.
  • He is so selfless, He lets me be friends with the other Godheads more when I need it.
  • It was always His plan to save us & bring us back to Him through Jesus.
  • When Jesus was on Earth, He only did what He saw the Father doing.
  • The Father is so tender & gentle.
  • He wants a personal relationship as much as Jesus & the Holy Spirit do!
  • His love is SO deep for us.
  • He treasures us.
  • He holds back nothing that will heal us, not even His own Son.
  • He is jealous for us.
  • He is active in our lives and desires an active relationship with us.
  • He is not something to be shelved until we get in deep trouble and need to call in the “big guns,” He desires to be just as involved in the little things from day to day.
  • He never tires of hearing our praise.
  • He never tires of forgiving us.
  • He never tires of hearing our stories.
  • He is chopping at the bit to heal us.
  • He cries with us.
  • He laughs with us (and i’m convinced sometimes at us).
  • He is good.
  • He is warm.
  • He is so detailed orientated.
  • He hangs on our every word.
  • He delights in the process.
  • He delights in us.

I am still learning about Him. He is constantly revealing more to me & it is so freakin’ fun! I am so thankful for the Father’s heart.

Father, thank you for your relentless pursuit of your beloved. thank you for revealing your heart to me, Father. as i learn more about you & your heart, teach me how to be like you. i desire to know you more. 


personal relationship.

today I heard a sad story.

Today in one of my classes I heard a classmate talk about how her family converted from “Catholicism to Christian.” First of all, when she said that, my stomach dropped. I felt sick. Catholics are Christian!!! I wanted to stand up and scream. But I let her continue her presentation. Second, she shared the reason her family left the church. She said her mom (1) felt the church couldn’t answer her questions about the Bible and (2) wanted more of a personal relationship with Christ. She shared that her mom did not like feeling like she couldn’t go straight to God, that she needed to go to the priest.

I literally wanted to throw up.

This story made me so sad. Like even typing this my stomach literally hurts and my heart is sad. Then she said through her research she found that this was a common reason people left the Catholic Church. Again, my heart fell. It made me sad because I knew how true and all too real this story was for so many Catholics around the world. And it made me sad that she and her family had been hurt by the church. So as I was thinking about her reasons, I had to agree that her points were valid. It is so easy to feel like there are not answers for things in the Bible. Also, I don’t know the priest she talked with, I don’t know what that experience was like for her. Maybe he didn’t have the answers, maybe their parish wasn’t sure. I don’t know what hurts lie in that conversation.

But the personal relationship part; I can relate there. That is a really valid point and a tough one, too. It can be so hard sometimes to break past the rituals and traditions of Catholicism and into the personal relationship part. Geez. It is so easy to come to church on Sunday, go through the motions of Mass, punch your spiritual time card and head to lunch Luby’s. And as I was thinking about how valid and true her point is, I realized God has such a bigger plan for us. His love is so much bigger than lunch at Luby’s. He gave us the Eucharist.

The Eucharist is the definition of a personal relationship with Christ.

People often ask if we’re saved, if Jesus lives in our hearts. But I can take it a step further. Not only does Jesus live in my heart, but He physically enters my body every time I receive the Eucharist. Me and Jesus are that close. I do not know a deeper intimacy. I do not know a more personal relationship. Christ makes Himself available to us in such a beautiful and personal way. Through this sacrifice, He invites us to come closer. To grow deeper. To get more personal. Through the Eucharist, we have a gateway to know His heart better. We have access to everything He offers us.

I can understand how it is easy to take the Eucharistic Liturgy for granted. I’ve done it. Several times. Honestly, probably several hundred times. Not gonna lie. I can understand how easy it is to miss this. But we have to wake up. We have to take advantage of this opportunity for a personal relationship with Christ. And it is my job, as a Catholic with a personal relationship with Christ, to show others the love I have for Christ and them. And to keep praying. Praying for those people hurt by the church I love so much. And those people who have yet to experience a personal relationship with Jesus. And that have yet to access the fullness of love and grace in the Eucharist.