promises

i love the idea of promises. something that will happen. it will. because it was promised.

however, i am slow to make promises. because i dont want to promise something i cant deliver.

but God, He doesn’t shy away from promises. in fact, He speaks in promises (Isaiah 55:11). and to me, that is romantic. He promises to come through, and He always does.

i often find myself reminding God of His promises, like He forgot them. and He is kind, and lets me rattle them off to Him. but i know this is out of fear and concern that He forgot them and is not gonna come through and it’ll just be a broken promise, something i’ll have to settle for later down the road.

LIES.

not true. i recently found this verse:

For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, whom we preached among you, Silva′nus and Timothy and I, was not Yes and No; but in Him it is always Yes. For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why we utter the Amen through him, to the glory of God. But it is God who establishes us with you in Christ, and has commissioned us; he has put his seal upon us and given us his Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee.”  2 Corinthians 1:19-22  

WHAT A PROMISE!! are you kidding?!

“it is always Yes”

i love that. and not because it means every dream will come true. but it reminds me of the core and the heart of God. He wants to say yes to everything, He wants to give everything. He loves giving good things. it is such a reminder that He is a good Father and longs to give His kids good gifts. even when we ask for things that we shouldn’t have or are not His best for us, His answer is still yes. and i know that sounds wrong, and it isn’t even the way things play out, but hear me out for a second.

i love that this verse suggests that God hears and answers the request under the request. the need that is really hidden in the prayer we pray. so when i ask for a new dog, even though one doesn’t appear at my door by noon the next day, He says yes to my heart’s desire to not be alone. He says “Yes, I love you & I’m not going anywhere.”

which at first doesn’t seem so awesome. BUT IT IS. He is better than any puppy. and He has a plan and desire to show you how much He really does love you.

and if that wasn’t enough, He gives us His Spirit as a guarantee?! literally the best deal i’ve ever found.

i love this verse because it reminds me that He is so worthy of our trust. that i don’t have to live in survival mode hoping He comes through. i am not hoping and waiting in vain. or alone. I GET THE HOLY SPIRIT. but also, that His heart is good. and He gives good gifts. and He longs to say yes to everything we ask. the request under the request.

you can trust Him with the dreams of your heart.

the garden

i am actually really surprised that i have not written about this yet. i guess i wanted to keep it a secret. stupid satan. he is always trying to trick us into isolating. anyway. the garden. oh the garden. lets start from the beginning..not that beginning…the beginning of my garden story.

in 2015, in the Catholic Charities food pantry, i was working to stock the pantry and i heard God say “i want you to start a recovery home for young girls” and i said okay!

and then i went to summer camp, and during the Gospel one day, we talked about Mary Magdalene, and how she thought resurrected Jesus was the gardener when she saw Him. and He said,

“I want you to call it The Garden”

and i knew exactly what He meant. so okay, i’ll call it the garden. so after that, i took an interest and liking to things having to do with gardens, because one day i would own one. but i never really told many people about it. i think i felt if i told people, they would steal my idea. classic satan tried to scare me out of talking about my dream by making me fear competition. so this was like my secret promise from the Lord.

and then at the beginning of the year, Kari Jobe released her new album and it was called The Garden. and she talked about the gardens that are talked about in the Bible. and it was a wonderful album. and i love Kari Jobe. and i felt this cool connection to her because we both had these projects about the garden. it also really prompted me to dig back into the scriptures about gardens in the Bible. and i started learning more about the intimacy of God. i was learning about the Father’s original desire for intimacy with us. the Father’s gentle and sweet heart. i was loving it!

so i shared the album with all my friends, and told everyone about it. and everyone loved it. and started talking about the garden. and the garden of eden. and all the sudden, i was not happy about it.

i felt jealous. and protective. and territorial. that was my garden! that was my special place. they needed to stay out of it. and even worse, what if they wanted to call their place the garden now that i had introduced them to this. and just like that, fear, competition, jealousy, pride and inadequacy invaded my garden. i was not happy about it at all. i was standing next to Jesus in my garden, but thinking He was just the gardener. and then He spoke up.

and He reminded me that just because other people liked the garden didn’t take away from my garden with Him. it also didn’t make it any less powerful. and if anything, this was what was so exciting about the garden to me, inviting other people into it. and i did that. that was the whole point!

inviting people into the Father’s original design for intimacy and communion and great love. but what i had originally intended for other people, He used to heal my heart. He met me in the garden, and stayed with me as i figured it all out. His garden is such a place of security, a place were striving is not allowed. a place were mercy flows and streams of living water run throughout. it was always His plan to have us in the Garden.

history

bethel music is doing a conference/worship school for the next two weeks, so i bought a free trial to listen to the worship and keynotes. and it is beautiful. Jesus is so impressive and i am amazed at how He has the power to make us feel like the only one in the room.

it has been a sweet and beautiful morning singing to Him and declaring His promises over my soul and my one bedroom apartment.

during worship, i couldn’t help but laugh at the power and presence these walls hold, and will hold til the end of time. i am excited for the person that lives here after me, because i know God will be here with them. there will be a residue of my prayers and His faithfulness forever in these walls.

anyway, in between the worship and keynote this morning, a few people gave prophetic words for people in the audience. and the very first one brought me to tears. the lady said: “God wants you to know, He sees what you have chosen and He has not forgotten the dreams of your heart. In fact, He sees them very clearly, He sees a plan for them. They will happen. But you can’t skip the in between. Even if you feel like you are in the wilderness. This is the closest. This is the friendship of Jesus.”

tears.

such a sweet encouragement and reminder of who He is and what He is doing. but the part that actually stood out to me the most, was when she said “this is the friendship of Jesus.” that made so much sense to me. yes, yes, yes. this is what Jesus has wanted the whole time. friendship.

and this is what we are doing in this season, we are writing our history. we are building a strong foundation for what He has yet to do. this is where you build a rich history with God. a story that testimony is built on. a story that is shared down the road, after it seems like it might not even be relevant or helpful to others. it is here that we grow in authority. here where we get our footing and challenge the things that threaten to take us down. it is here where we learn about our value and worth and significance and the power of holding on to hope and leaning in for a miracle. it is here where we are called to the altar to surrender all that we have left. even when it feels like it will leave us destitute.

as i look back on the past 2.5 months, i see the Father heart of God breaking off fear, scarcity, anxiety, worldliness, loneliness, jealousy, complacency, and disbelief.

when i watch worship leaders, or christian speakers or pastors talk about their own lives, or lessons they have learned or their relationship with God, i am amazed by their friendship with God, their intimacy with the Trinity, and their authority over darkness. i admire these things and dream of the day i get to carry the same. but as i have been watching more and more of these, i am being taught that these things didnt happen over night. these were things taught in hard and dry seasons. lonely and dark nights. these were battles fought and lost. and tears cried from deep places.

when you ask for a ministry or a platform or a window to share from, you have to get there first. it doesnt show up overnight. and i’m learning to be grateful that it doesnt.

i know in my heart God has called me into the family business of setting people free and bring healing and resurrection life to dry and weary bones. i know He has created my heart to contend for it. but i know He has to train me and teach me to be able to carry that. and that comes from walking through it. it comes from writing and leaning into a rich and deep history with God. one that is sturdy and can weather many hits. because they will fly as He walks me deeper into the calling He has for me.

His promises are good. His ways are kind. His heart can be trusted. He is worthy of our lives.

 

dreams & the sun.

i am sitting at the magnolia silos this morning. well afternoon now. i decided to come at noon. and i have been sitting in the sun. and it is glorious. but hot. i’ll get back to that.

i needed to be reminded of some of my dreams and plan them out. dream them up and write down the things the Holy Spirit has put on my heart. and what better place in waco than the silos.

i love the silos for a couple of reasons.

i love that it is a dream. a dream in the heart of one woman. who with the support and encouragement of her husband became the dream of a family. and soon the dream of the city. and now the dream of a nation. and even the globe!

but it was always God’s dream.

sitting on this lawn feels powerful and momentous. i feel the potential and kinetic energy that runs through this place. and it is sweet.

i love that this was dreamed and created by a couple. a family. it wasn’t a massive corporation. it was a dream in a heart that God opened doors for. when i sit here, i know i am sitting in a dream. a dream come true. that i am sure this couple thought at one time was impossible.

it reminds me that God is trustworthy. He is good. He has good plans.

when i sit out here on a summer afternoon, not only am i sweating bullets, but i see so many families playing! my biggest dream of all! and i wonder if when the couple started, they new how powerful this would be for families. and for dreamers.

and i wonder the same thing about myself. do i realize how impactful my dreams will be for families? for dreamers? for my own family? for my own dreams?

i would imagine that this couple could never have imagined all that this is today when they started. even when they bought the land. it was old and abandoned and basically left for dead.

but maybe the ground help onto hope. that something better could come from it one day.

and it only took one person, the right person, to see the vision and potential that was still hidden in its bones.

as i sit here in the hot hot sun. i am reminded of something i said the other day leaving mass. as i walked out of the church, the sun was shining and it was so sweet and warm. and i said, without thinking

“mmm. the warmth of the sun is healing me heart”

instantly, i felt the prophetic weight of that statement. i felt a call to spend more time in the sun. and the Son. letting the warmth heal my heart.

to be in the sun requires you to be seen. to be exposed. to come out of hiding.

how prophetic is that!!!! it is incredible. and it is true.

being out here. sitting in the sun. sweating. it is kinda painful because it is so hot. but it is so sweet. and i feel the healing and the mending. this is something i couldn’t have in my dark apartment.

sometimes being seen by the Son can be painful. when we have grown so accustomed to the dark and being hidden. stepping out into the light can hurt.

but man. being here is worth it. i was missing so much in the dark.

there are special vitamins in the sun. nourishment.

there are special vitamins in the Son. nourishment.

i have previously been someone who did not like to be outside. i was afraid of the mess. the dirt. the performance that might be required with a sport or activity. out of fear of messing up or missing the mark, i stayed on the side lines. or even worse, stayed inside.

but as i am growing in the Father, i am finding so much joy in being outside. i am finding life and perspective and lessons and warmth and healing and growth.

and i am beginning to understand why the devil tried to convince me to stay inside.

there is a special blessing and peace that comes with being outside and being close to things that God himself breathed life in. and still commands.

i am seeing family, i am seeing providence. i am seeing joy. i am seeing love. i am seeing community. i am seeing the wind. i am seeing life.

which is what the devil has been trying to steal from me all these years. he has been after my life. and so he cut off anything that resembled life. and offered fear to my heart as an exchange for the possibility of finding life. what a shitty trade.

i am so grateful to have found life in Jesus. i am so grateful to have been found  by Jesus. i am grateful to pursue life. i am grateful to be alive. and I’m grateful to be outside.

UPDATE: i wrote this this morning at the silos, (there was no wifi to publish) and while i was there, i looked up on the roof and i saw some people up there, but i couldn’t make out their faces. but i knew they were important. because not everyone can go up there. and we stared at each other for a bit, ya know when you can tell someone is looking at you?

anywayyy! come to find out! it was some of the members from the band Housefires and Bethel! some of my favorites!

but we wouldn’t have seen each other if i was hiding. if i wasn’t out in the sun, we wouldn’t have see each other.

and i could really feel a sweet lesson in this:

when you take a step out, and trust, and allow yourself to be seen, you are seen by some prettyy important people. whether you realize it or not. because they are out in the sun, too. they can’t see you from your apartment.

fear will tell you to stay in, because what are the odds that they will be there? and even if they are there, they might not be space for you?

but faith says, try it out! if it doesn’t work, let’s do something different. if they aren’t there, so what!

i am very grateful that i gave it a try. it was sweet & healing.

dreams

i

L O V E

dreams.

i love talking to people about the dreams of their heart, the dreams they have seen come true, and the ones they are still holding out for, and even the ones that have been long buried and are waiting to be excavated for fresh vision and life.

and i love having my own dreams. i love dreaming big with God, because you can’t out dream Him (Ephesians 3:20-21). and ya know what is so cool? the dreams that we have, were originally His. He is just letting us borrow them while we were here. it has been His dream all along to start the businesses we want to start, to reach and heal the people we want to serve, to take that extravagent vacation. He dreams about giving us all these things. but ya know what is even cooler?

we are His dream come true.

He dreamed of us, and now we’re here. and He takes so much delight in that.

but anyway, back to talking about dreams. it is one of my favorite things to do. i think when we take time and ask ourselves about our dreams, we can find the direction our heart truly points. we find what ignites our spirits. we find the God-given purpose and calling that we have been looking for. inside of us. all along. how loved are we that He trusts us with it?

during this current season, i am bombarded with options of “what comes next.” it might as well be the golden corral of job options. so i wanted to remind myself of some of my dreams and be encouraged by the God who will see them to the end.

  1. to serve the Lord in all that i do
  2. to be a wife
  3. to be a mom
  4. to always have a home that is welcoming, safe and warm
  5. to see women walk in freedom
  6. to build and contribute to a solid community of sisters
  7. to be a good sister
  8. to have a massive garden
  9. to have a healing retreat center for ministry workers
  10. to listen well
  11. to write a book
  12. to speak at a conference
  13. to help heal the church
  14. to make resources to help people heal

i’m sure i could come up with so many more, but i think they all lead back to these core dreams. i know that the list will get longer and grow as i grow. but you can’t have your dream job, without naming your dream first.