multiplied.

original post date 5/15/14

multiplied. multiplied. multiplied.

This is literally all I can think about. It has become an obsession.

Obviously. I have been slacking lately. As in, majorly. I have been seriously lacking. I got overwhelmed. With school. With work. With people. With feelings. It all just took me over. I let everything slide. But the semester is over (FINALLY!!!) and I have moved into my new apartment.

So I finally have some space, emotionally and physically, to think about everything.

I have been so uninspired lately. I could feel it coming over me. Usually, I can hunker down and get through life. This time, I just laid down. I let the sadness and stress and depression in. I gave in. It has been dark. I just have not been able to get up out of the funk. And then…

I heard this song on the radio.

At the end of the semester, I had decided to take on a position with the retreat team through my campus ministry. I had began to think about themes and lessons and discussions; just different things I wanted to work on and develop over the summer. I am excited to share some of those ideas throughout this summer. Anyway, I was still processing everything and trying to come up with a core theme. And then it happened. This song played. And I was done.

Every single word was a direct message to my heart. I have been obsessed with the idea of mercy, lately. It blows my mind that we get to serve SUCH a merciful God. Mercy that we do not deserve.

“God of Mercy, sweet love of mine, I have surrendered to Your design”

He is a God so full of mercy and love, He waits for us to surrender to HIS unimaginable plan for us

“Your love is like radiant diamonds, we cannot contain”

My pray this year has been that I can be a light in this world to others.I want people to see me and know that there is something different about me, and I want that to be the Light of Christ.

“Your love will surely come find us

Even when our lives are dark and scary, our God comes and finds us. That makes my heart ache. I cannot understand that. He searches for us. He meets us where we are.

“These Hallelujahs be multiplied

Multiplied. We are called to multiply. In more ways than one. I think for me, this was an invitation to multiply my love for Christ. On a personal level. Yes, we are called to multiply, with children. We are called to multiply and spread the good news of the Gospel. But this song, at this moment,was telling me to multiply my love.

With everything the past few months have brought, it has been dark. It has been easy to be angry. I have felt every forgotten. I know better, I do. But that does not mean I won’t feel forgotten from time to time. I’ve been angry at God, pissed I think is the correct word.  It has been far to easy for me to forget the blessings God has given me. It has been easy for me to take everything for granted. It has been easy to feel entitled, and let me tell ya, I surreeeee have felt entitled.

I forget God has given me radiant diamonds.

I forgot His design is better than my own.

forgot that He was right there the whole time, He had come to find me.

I forgot to send my hallelujahs. I was not multiplying.

I was not forgotten, I had forgotten. Big difference.

This idea of multiplying has become my theme for the summer. I have to start small. I have to start with me. I have to start multiplying my love for my Merciful God. And then, watch out everyone else!