the boulder.

wilderness, part 3.

Okay, so mid-hike, one of the guys in my group, and actually from my school, was struggling. I could tell he was having a hard time with the altitude. He was dragging his bag and his step. So I saw him having a hard time and offered to help. i asked if he wanted me to carry his backpack for him. He gratefully said yes.

So I felt helpful. Helping my fellow brother through this struggle and journey he was on. I kept going, carrying both his backpack and mine. All the way up the mountain. The bags definitely started getting heavy. But I kept going. Because I needed to help him. And I needed to get to the top. They were starting to hurt my shoulders, but I figured that would happen. So I kept going. I finally reached the top and was able to sit and reflect.

As I was sitting down, I suddenly remembered seeing that fellow group member put something in his bag earlier that day. I literally ripped open the backpack to find exactly what I had suspected would be in the bag…

a 6 pound boulder!!!!!

He had picked it up earlier on and decided he wanted to keep it! In his backpack! As he hiked!! Except he did not tell me that when I offered and carried his backpack for him. I was so mad. I wanted to throw his bag down the rock. WHO DOES THAT?! You were obviously struggling to carry the backpack and hike, so throw out the boulder!

But then I realized. This is real life. There are so many times we offer to help people, or we do not offer to help people, and we have no idea of the weight they’re carrying. Whether it looks to be pretty light, like a backpack, it could really be hiding a 6 pound boulder in it. The more I thought about this, the more I felt challenged to really tune in to people around me. It is so easy to just put blinders on and only focus on my own hike. To keep my eye on the prize, graduation, grad school, a real job. But there are so many people around me who are carrying small backpacks with big boulders in them, and they need a friend. Even if it’s not to carry the backpack, but just to walk along side them. I feel really challenged to pay more attention to people struggling with their backpacks. And even their boulders.

be kingdom.

I have never really understood when people talked about the Kingdom of God here on Earth. To me, I have always kept them separate. To me, the Kingdom of God was in Heaven, and we are here on Earth. Black and white. Matter of fact. I mean, I understand that we are called to live God’s will out on Earth, but I didn’t really understand that being the kingdom. For me, the Kingdom of God would come when He came.

I get it now. Or at least, I am starting to get it.

I am starting to understand that we are called to live in the kind of love, forgiveness, mercy, compassion and absolute adoration that is experienced in Heaven, here on Earth. We are called to be a representation of that Kingdom. We are called to go forth and spread that Kingdom to others.

I think it took me understanding true worship to understand this call to Be Kingdom. In experiences of worship, there is nothing else I want to do other than sit at the feet of Jesus and tell Him how wonderful He is. It is in those times, that I am overflowing with His love and peace. But I can’t leave that love and peace in that moment of worship. I have to bring it with me outside of the church. I have to spread that love. So that others might feel the overwhelming presence of Christ.

I am in so inspired to spread God’s kingdom. I am so inspired to activate the Kingdom of God on Earth. And in the same breath, I am so challenged. It has not been easy. It will not be easy. But God gives an uncomprehendable energy. He gives a peace that surpasses understanding. I am being called to live a life of kingdom. To be in sync with the Angels and Saints in Heaven that can do nothing else but sing of God’s great glory. And that’s what I want to do. I want to be such a representation of kingdom, that people want to join in with me. Because it was what our hearts were made to do. Last year, I found a new love and appreciation for worship. God totally broke the mold I had constructed. I want Him to keep breaking it.

I want to Be Kingdom.


original post date: 2/7/2014

i can’t even fathom it sometimes.
Sometimes God puts us in seemingly impossible situations. Sometimes He puts ridiculously high mountains in front of us. And then does the unthinkable, He asks us to climb. But then He takes it a step further, He offers to carry us up the mountain when we can’t seem to find the strength to climb. This past weekend/week I feel like God has put a few mountains in front of me. I watched people I love hurt. I watched loss. I watched them cry. I hurt. I cried. I watched darkness close in around us. I watched as the darkness and pain got comfortable and prepared to stay with us for a long time. But in the midst of this darkness, I felt God tugging at my heart. I felt Him ask me to be a light. Before I had time to even think about it, my mouth just opened. Prayers and praise fell out. Even though I had no idea what to think or feel, I just called out to God. Tears falling down my face, the only words I knew in those moments were Jesus’ name. I rebuked Satan as he tried to come in a steal our joy and cried out that God hold us up and give us wisdom. Crying in the emergency room, the hospital waiting room, and the operating room I spoke God’s mercy and love over all of us. Thanking Him in advance for His plan, and His promise and His unending mercy and love. Those were some of the hardest prayers I have ever prayed. In the midst of some of the hardest days of my life, I watched love unfold. I watched as the doctors saved my friends life. I heard as they spoke of what a miracle it was she was alive. Their exact words were, “Someone in Heaven must have been looking out for you.” We all watched a miracle, not for our glory, but for God’s. Her life is a testimony to God and His love for his children. And on top of all this, He asked me to be a part of this. He used me to share His light. He asked me to share His love. He asked me to help reveal His power. This is a love story. A story of a Father who loves His children so much. He wants to share His light and love with all of them. I am so grateful in the face of this darkness He called me to be a light for Him.